carried + loved collective


MiscarriageJessica Scheks1 Comment

Today I am super thankful that my baby had a heartbeat. I often think about how I wish I had more time with our child. It's not that I'm even asking for her to have been born full-term and healthy, just that she would've been born slightly older and more developed, that maybe she would've taken a few breaths, that she would've received a birth certificate. But that's not our story. I am just really thankful that we got to see her heartbeat because it made her just a little bit more real to us. It is amazing to think that she was inside of me with a beating heart. I'm so glad that the question of whether or not her heart ever started beating is not one that I have to agonize over. I will have questions the rest of my life regarding this sweet little life, like if she would've looked more like me or her daddy, what she would've been interested in, what her personality would've been like. But I am so, so thankful that I'll never have to wonder if her heart ever took a beat. Because it did and I saw it on the screen. A precious tiny little heart that we created was beating inside of me and for some reason that thought is really comforting to me today. I wish that little heart was still beating and I'll always have that wish. But at least I know that it did beat. Even if only for several days or weeks, it did beat. <3